Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Brenda K 1J]

Two atoms are walking together.
One of the atoms starts panicking. "I think I lost an electron!" He cried. "Are you sure?" Said the other. "Yes! I'm positive!"

[Brenda K 1J]

Argon walks into a bar. The barman says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here!" Argon doesn’t react.

[Phillip Tran]

what kind of dogs do chemists have?

laboratory retrievers

[Phillip Tran]

what is the chemical formula for banana?

BaNa2

[Phillip Tran]

I have many chemistry jokes. I'm just afraid they wont get a good reaction

[Seth So]

what was the charge when nacl was arrested?

a salt

[Seth So]

a chemistry lab is like a big party. some drop acid. others drop the base

[Seth So]

Are you a carbon sample?

Because i want to date you

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

A: He's 0K now

[Elizabeth Ignacio 1C]

A u! Did you take my gold?

A g, never mind, it's just silver.

[hojae_lee_1C]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" and he died.

[hojae_lee_1C]

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

[hojae_lee_1C]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Caitlin Mispagel 1D]

Don't tell jokes to noble gases... you'll get no reaction.

[Isa Samad 1L]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Isa Samad 1L]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Bill Phawn 2C]

If a king farts,
is it a noble gas?

[Christy Zhao 1H]

What do hungry chemists eat?
Gram (Graham) crackers

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Technically speaking...

Alcohol is a solution

[Sam Smoot 2L]

You disagree with my hypothesis?

Well Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium you.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Everyone keeps saying all the good chem jokes argon...

But I don't zinc so.

[Sarah Wax 1G]

Girl, do you like salt?

Why?

Because you're so-dium fine.

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so here’s a cute science love song filled with a bunch of puns. ;)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pocNl2YhZdM

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

Q: How did Carbon propose to Hydrogen?
A: With a "carbonkneel"

[Meghna2A]

What kind of dogs to chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

[Meghna2A]

What is one element not there on the periodic table?
The element of surprise.

[Meghna2A]

Optimist: The glass is half full
Pessimist: The glass is half empty
Realist: The glass has water.
Chemist: The glass contains 50% H2O (l), 39%N2 (g), 10.5% O2(g), 0.44% Ar (g) and 0.06%CO2 (g)

[Isa Samad 1L]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Kennedy Moore 1D]

What's the difference between chemistry and physics?


Physics always wants to be the big man !!!

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends Argon

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20374483_1249051675203288_1318601126448527178_n.jpg?oh=768d32a3c4a46ac16b00d32b77de6c9d&oe=5B1A921C

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

Neon was cracking up so much he was like
"That was sodium funny. I slapped my neon that one!"

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

im running out of chemistry jokes i should zinc of new ones :(

[Daniel Vo 1B]

An ion dropped an electron on the street, his buddy asked him if he was sure
"Yeah, I'm positive"

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one orders "HIJKLMNO." The second chemists asks him what the [censored] does he mean. The first says, it's h to o, yah dingus.

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Which fish is also an element?
Tuna -- 2Na

[cbercik]

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?
A: Fe-breeze

[cbercik]

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

[cbercik]

What is it called when Queen farts?
A noble gas

[Patricia Macalalag 2E]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory retrievers

[torieoishi1A]

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

Have you heard that entropy isn't what it used to be?

[Paula Sing 1J]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q ... 5360909337

[Paula Sing 1J]

images.png

[ssthirkannad]

When will a girl enjoy a date the most? When G < 0!

[ssthirkannad]

Who did the amino acid cheat on his girlfriend with?
His side chain

[ssthirkannad]

What did a father tell his son when he woke him up?
Up 'n atom, son!

[ssthirkannad]

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen

[ssthirkannad]

Why was the chemist arrested?
He was charged for a salt and battery at the store

[ssthirkannad]

What do you call a measuring device with degrees?
A graduated cylinder

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Chemists make really bad DJs. They take extra care not to drop the base.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Helium walks into a bar. Argon hits him with a bar stool. Helium doesn’t react.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

What is the difference between sea lion and a seal?

An electron.

[504754253]

Hydrogen atom trying to flirt: The names Bond, Hydrogen Bond!

[504754253]

I would make another chemistry joke but all the good one ARGON

[504754253]

I would make another chemistry joke but all the good one ARGON

[Hyein Cha 2I]

I would tell another chemistry joke, but all of the good ones Argon...

[Hyein Cha 2I]

"Look mom! a Carbon tetrafluoride!"

Report card:

Math: C

History: F

English: F

Chemistry: F

PE: F

[andrewr2H]

Credit my awesome (single) cousin (818)-963-3909

WHAT ELEMENT IS THE PROFESSOR MADE OUT OF?

BORON

LMAO

[Paula Dowdell 1F]

What Do You Get When You Cut An Avocado Into 6X10^23 Pieces?
Guacamole

[Seth So]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 C and still be 0K?

[Seth So]

I think I left the Bromine and Boron in the cabinet...

BrB

[Seth So]

[Brenda K 1J]

What is a cation afraid of?
A dogion

[Brenda K 1J]

How many moles are in a bowl of guacamole?
Avocado's number

[Brenda K 1J]

What is "HIJKLMNO"? H2O

[Shreya Ramineni 2L]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Shreya Ramineni 2L]

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

[Shreya Ramineni 2L]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

[Tiffany 1B]

What type of dog do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

[Arjun Sharma 1D]

Never trust an atom, they make up everything.

[Curtis Wong 2D]

A line I used with my boyfriend:

"You know, I usually hate chemistry, but I love having chemistry with you."

[Bill Phawn 2C]

[Nisarg Shah 1C]

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

I heard it went OK.

[hojae_lee_1C]

what kind of dogs do chemists get?

a LABrador retriever

[hojae_lee_1C]

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?

Because it was polar

[hojae_lee_1C]

I Heard Oxygen And Magnesium Were Going Out

And I was like OMg

[Isa Samad 1L]

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

[Isa Samad 1L]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

[Bansi Amin 1D]

Fun fact: Josiah Gibbs was a Swiftie.
Haters gonna hate Taylor Swift=> ΔG=ΔH−TΔS

[Joshua Hughes 1L]

honest question here, does posting in the chem jokes section count as a weekly post that we can get credit for?

[Phillip Tran]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

[Phillip Tran]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Phillip Tran]

When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda

[Carl Kim 1K]

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

[Daniel Vo 1B]

When I'm with you I feel like unsaturated butter because you make my heart melt.

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Are you *oxo* because you're the -one for me <3 <3 <3
live love lavelle

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Are you a high intensity photon? Because you put me into an excited state. <3 <3 <3
live lovelle laugh

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

Q: What does the leader of an electron army say when they go to war?
A: CHARGE!

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

Me: My favorite jokes are about Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium.

Person: Why's that?

Me: Because I love CoRnY chemistry jokes.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Joke: “What is the difference between thermodynamics and a stick?

Answer: “A stick has two ends and no beginning. Thermodynamics has two ‘beginnings’ (the first and second law) and no end.”

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? A: SWAG