Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? A: He's 0K now.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A: A sulfone

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? A: Febreeze.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Why did the noble gas cry? A: Because all his friends argon.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: Why did the acid go to the gym? A: To become a buffer solution!

[cbercik]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, you might as well barium.

[cbercik]

Organic chemistry is difficult.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[cbercik]

What do you call a scientific plant?
Chemis-tree

[cbercik]

Why do you go to jail for throwing Sodium Chloride at somebody?
Because it's a salt

[904940852]

Your a 10? Maybe on a pH scale because your basic

[504754253]

Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

[504754253]

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

[504754253]

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
It went OK!

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

What did the Fe2+ say to the H+ that turned into H2?

"I'm sorry I reduced you! I swear it was an oxidant!"

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

I try to tell chemistry jokes, but sometimes there's just no reaction.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

My teacher threw sodium chloride at me...

That's a salt!

[Sam Smoot 2L]

What did element 29 say to the police?

I Cu copper!

[Sam Smoot 2L]

True story

[Seth So]

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/281123201714166179/

[Seth So]

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/336081190915665873/

[Seth So]

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/453526624949249049/

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

Since, Valentine's Day is coming up, here's a nice Chemistry Pick-Up Line

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.

[Connor Kelligrew 2D]

Thermodynamics:

First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.

Second Law: The most you can accomplish by work is to break even.

Third Law: You can't break even.

[Connor Kelligrew 2D]

The first rule of thermodynamics is you don't talk about thermodynamics

[Connor Kelligrew 2D]

What is the show cesium and iodine were watching together?

CSI

[Oscar Valdovinos 1I]

Aha

[Richard Braun 1I]

Did you hear? Oxygen and Magnesium are totally going out. It's like, OMg.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 degrees Celsius and still be 0K?

[Richard Braun 1I]

Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Isa Samad 1L]

Q: What do you do if you can't helium or curium?

A: You BARIUM!

[hojae_lee_1C]

What is a cation afraid of?

A dogion

[hojae_lee_1C]

why do chemists like nitrates so much?

because its cheaper than day rates

[hojae_lee_1C]

What substance has the formula HIJKLMNO?

WATER

[Isa Samad 1L]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[Isa Samad 1L]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Bill Phawn 2C]

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they would be alloys

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

[Carl Kim 1K]

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers

[Carl Kim 1K]

you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Phillip Tran]

what do you call a wheel made of iron?

a ferrous wheel

[Phillip Tran]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Karissa Newberry]

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

[Phillip Tran]

what did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe?

mitosis

[mitalisharma2B]

All the good chemistry jokes ARGON

[mitalisharma2B]

All the good chemistry jokes ARGON

[Brenda K 1J]

What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

[Brenda K 1J]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Brenda K 1J]

Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

[Sarah Wax 1G]

It's so exciting when multiple electrons gather in the bar.
Why?
Because it's so charged with energy.

[Daniel Vo 1B]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Daniel Vo 1B]

A photon goes through a hotel. They offer to take his bags. He says he has none, he's traveling light.

[Meghna2A]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0[i][i][i]K?[/i][/i][/i]

[Meghna2A]

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

[Meghna2A]

Q:What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

[Daniel Vo 1B]

What happened to the man who froze to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

Electron: I have a problem man. I think I might be a compulsive liar...
Proton: Are you positive?
Electron: Yeah.
Proton: I guess you are a liar.

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

"What's the difference between a proton and an electron?"
"I'm not positive, but I think a proton is..."

[Kristin Ishaya 1A]

"Want to talk about Sodium?"
----Na.
"Nitric Oxide?"
----NO.
"Oxygen, Magnesium, Phosphorous, Iodine, Sulfur, or Fluorine?"
----OMg PIS OFF.
"...Potassium?"
----K.

[juchung7]

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
It becomes daytrogen :3

[Clara Rehmann 1K]

[Yashaswi Dis 1K]

Disclaimer: A Corny Acid-Base joke
What did H₂PO4^- say to H₂O?

"Why you gotta be so BiPoLaAr!"

Water: "As an amphoteric molecule, I like to have multiple affairs!"

H₂PO4^-: "Can't believe I am dating a weirdo."

[Yashaswi Dis 1K]

I heard O-chem is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Arjun Sharma 1D]

What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Arjun Sharma 1D]

f H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed ;)

[ChristineJimenez1J]

What did one charged atom say to the other?
I've got my ion you.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Some guy tried to sell me sand for a thousand bucks yesterday...

It was such a silicon.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Chemical jokes are boron…

However, physics jokes have potential.

[Sam Smoot 2L]

Gold walks into a bar, but the barman wasn't having it.

"Au", he shouts, "get outta here!"

[Annie Lieu-1H]

NUMBER 5 ON THE MID TERM AMIRITE LADIES??

[Krupa Prajapati]

All the good chemistry jokes Argon

[Krupa Prajapati]

Aha! The element of surprise.

[Krupa Prajapati]

Are you a carbon sample? Cuz I want to date you.

[Seth So]

friend: "does you know any good chem jokes about sodium?"

me: Na

[Seth So]

why are chemists great for solving problems?

a: they have all the solutions.

[Seth So]

I think i've lost an electron... in fact i'm positive.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

[Richard Braun 1I]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Richard Braun 1I]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

Old Chemists Never Die, They Just Reach Equilibrium

[Caitlin Mispagel 1D]

You would think atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons. How ionic

[Caitlin Mispagel 1D]

You can freeze yourself at -273 degrees celsius and still be 0K

[Bill Phawn 2C]

[Isa Samad 1L]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

[Isa Samad 1L]

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

[Daniel Vo 1B]

What kind of dogs would chemistry teachers have?
Laboratory retrievers!

[Katie Blann 1E]

Did you know you can your cool yourself to -273.15C and still be 0k?

[Tiffany 1B]

Why did the chemist coat his shoes with silicone?
-He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint.

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Once I told a chemistry joke
There was no reaction

[Daniel Vo 1B]

If a tornado picks up an iron, is it Febreeze?