Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Ishan Saha 1L]

Hey are you made of Curium and Tellurium??
'Cause dang you're CuTe!

[Jennie Fox 1D]

what kind of dogs do chemists have?

Labratory retrievers

[K Stefanescu 2I]

Since we are studying half-life/radioactivity....
Are you Polonium-210?
Because your ambient glow is to die for.

[K Stefanescu 2I]

Coming up with new material for this thread is difficult... all of the good chemistry jokes Argon.

[Tiffany 1B]

What is the chemical formula for banana?

BaNa^2

[Tiffany 1B]

If Avagadro calls, tell him to leave his number.

[andrewr2H]

What do you call a fish that is really salty?

Too Na

[Adrienne Dang 1B]

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? Hehe

[504754253]

what kind of dog do chemist have? laboratory retrievers

[504754253]

what kind of car do chemist drive? mercedes benzene

[504754253]

how come every time i tell a joke there is no reaction?!

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

how come every time i tell a joke there is no reaction?!

good one

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

The noble gases walk into a bar. No one reacts.

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

what kind of car do chemist drive? mercedes benzene

That was sodium funny...i slapped my neon that one

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

The atom asks the electron, "why are you small?" The electron replies, "because I have a low charge!

[mitalisharma2B]

You Must Be A Compound Of Barium and Beryllium

Because you're a total BaBe

[mitalisharma2B]

Why Does Hamburger Yield Lower Energy Than Steak?

Because it's in the ground state.

[mitalisharma2B]

Did You Know Protons Have Mass?

I didn't even know they were Catholic!

[Garret G 2F]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-oh acid

[Arjun Sharma 1D]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Arjun Sharma 1D]

Organic Chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

[Arjun Sharma 1D]

Why are chemists so great at solving problems?

Cause they work with all the solutions ;)

[Anna Goldberg 2I]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A one molar solution.

[Nisarg Shah 1C]

What kind of fish is made of 2 Na atoms?
2Na.

[Leanne Wong 1H]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0K?

[Riya Pathare 2E]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[JennyCKim1J]

I have a pick up line instead.
"You must be made of Florine, Iodine, and Neon, because you are FINe :))"

Actually don't use it I don't think it'll work

[905022356]

[905022356]

If you're not part of the solution,

.
.
.
.


You're part of the precipitate.

[Richard Braun 1I]

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

[Richard Braun 1I]

A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F", he asks a fellow student what she's been doing. "We've been observing water under the microscope. We're suppose to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, "During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's."

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.

[Richard Braun 1I]

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

[Richard Braun 1I]

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
A: An ether bunny

[Richard Braun 1I]

Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

[Evelyn L 1H]

Chemistry puts the cation in education

[Evelyn L 1H]

chemistry jokes are sodium funny

[Evelyn L 1H]

how did avogadro write to his friends?
by e-mole

[Krupa Prajapati]

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution

[Krupa Prajapati]

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion

[Krupa Prajapati]

What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

Chemistry doesn't just matter, it is matter.

[Swetha Sundaram 1E]

Why did the liquid smell good?

Because it didn't past gas.

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

I told a chemistry joke once, but there was no reaction. :(

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

[Jessica Jones 2B]

Na: "That was sodium funny!"
Ne: "I slapped my neon that one!"

[Jessica Jones 2B]

I told a chemistry joke once, but there was no reaction...

[Jessica Jones 2B]

Advice: Never trust an atom, they make up everything.

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

What did the police molecule say to the suspect molecule? I got my ion you.

[Seth So]

Every dipole has its moment.

[Seth So]

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?

He just couldn't put it down.

[Seth So]

Cole's Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage

[Connor Kelligrew 2D]

I don't trust atoms...

I heard they make up everything

[Connor Kelligrew 2D]

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium

[Abdullah2I]

What did C14 do for Valentine's Day?


He went carbon dating.

[Andres Reynoso 1J]

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

[Diane Bui 2J]

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A: C over lambda.

[Diane Bui 2J]

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He's 0K now.

[Oscar Valdovinos 1I]

The only chemistry jokes that haven't been poster yet are the BORON ones,
*Ba Dum tsss*

[Oscar Valdovinos 1I]

Q: What was the charge when NaCl was arrested?

A:Salt.

[Oscar Valdovinos 1I]

I make bad chemistry puns, but only periodically.

[Connor Kelligrew 2D]

What did C14 do for Valentine's Day?

He went carbon dating!

[Annalise Eder 2L]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Christy Zhao 1H]

Why can't chemists prank their friends?
They lack the element of surprise.

[Carl Kim 1K]

You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons.
How ionic.

[Carl Kim 1K]

I know a guy who cooled himself to -273.15C.
He was 0k.

[Carl Kim 1K]

What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."

[Bill Phawn 2C]

[Jesus Rodriguez 1J]

Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion.

[Julia Ward 2C]

I tell bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon.

[Grace Han 2K]

I don't trust atoms......




I heard they make up everything.

[Isa Samad 1L]

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

[Isa Samad 1L]

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

[Isa Samad 1L]

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

[Katie Blann 1E]

Q: What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A: A-mean-oh-acid

[juchung7]

Why do chemistry teachers like to teach about ammonia? Because its basic material.

[juchung7]

How many atoms in guacamole? Avocado's number

[Anna Li 2E]

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon.

[Minie 1G]

Dang girl you are a 10.

On a pH scale.

Because you are basic.

[Katelyn B 2E]

What do you do with a sick chemist?

Well, if you can't curium, and you can't helium, you might as well barium.

[Katelyn B 2E]

Do you remember what happens when metal and oxygen react? My memory is a little rusty.

[Karissa Newberry]

Want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite?

NaBrO

[Katelyn B 2E]

"I would tell another chemistry joke, but all of my good ones argon."

"That's sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one!"

[Karissa Newberry]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?

Tell them to pronounce "unionized"

[Karissa Newberry]

What do they do with a sick chemist?

Well if you can't curium and you can't helium, you might as well barium.

[veneziaramirez 3I]

Would you like to hear a joke about sodium?
Na

[veneziaramirez 3I]

I'm having such a hard time staying up late to do homework.
It's sodium hard.

[Sarah Wax 1G]

Why did the sodium cross the road?

Because it could not wait N-A longer.

[Sarah Wax 1G]

There should be someone who regulates these chem jokes.

They're far too basic for my taste.

[Sarah Wax 1G]

I believe that Uraniam Argon Copper Tellurium.

U Ar CuTe.

[Sarah Wax 1G]

How many fish are salty?

TuNA

[Sarah Wax 1G]

Stop making electrochem jokes.
They're too charged.

[Sarah Wax 1G]

What did one titration tell the other?
Let's meet at the endpoint.

[Liam Maxwell 2E]

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step”.

[Elizabeth Ignacio 1C]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if it needs any help with its luggage.

"No," it says. "I'm traveling light."

[Elizabeth Ignacio 1C]

Why did the hipster get burnt?

Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.

[Daniel Vo 1B]

What does a good movie about chemistry need?
The element of surprise!

[Daniel Vo 1B]

what do u call a chemist who throws sodium chloride at students?
a-salt