Post All Chemistry Jokes Here

[Daniel Vo 1B]

Whenever I tell chemistry jokes, there is no reaction.

[Adam Enomoto 1L]

I had a sodium joke but NA(h)

[Adam Enomoto 1L]

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.

[Emily Warda 2L]

My friend who attends Santa Clara Univerity sent me this photo from her chemistry lecture the other day, enjoy.

[Qining Jin 1F]

Your dad's been under a lot of pressure lately

[Marina Georgies 1C]

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar?
He got Avogadro's number!

[Marina Georgies 1C]

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

[Marina Georgies 1C]

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
Because it's in the ground state.

[Marina Georgies 1C]

A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I"d like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."

[Marina Georgies 1C]

Q; How does sulfer communicate with other elements?
A: A sulfone.

[cbercik]

what's the chemical formula for a banana?
Barium bonded to 2 sodiums

[cbercik]

What happens to electrons when they lose their energy?
They get Bohr'd

[cbercik]

How would a doctor help a broken balloon?
Helium

[cbercik]

Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Because he was polar

[cbercik]

What do you call an educated cylinder?
A graduated cylinder

[cbercik]

What weapon can you make from potassium, nickel, and iron?
A KNiFe

[Janet Nguyen 2H]

What did atom A say to the atom B who was telling this joke?
You're such a Boron

[Hammad Khan 2B]

What is a physical chemists favorite show?
Law and Order

[Natalie LeRaybaud 1G]

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite...
He said Na BrO

[Natalie LeRaybaud 1G]

Q: What do dipoles say in passing?

A: Have you got a moment?

[Hyein Cha 2I]

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state!

[ChristineJimenez1J]

How often do I tell chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Why do chemists learn ammonia first?
It's pretty basic stuff.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

I think I've lost an electron... in fact, I'm positive.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends argon.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

Three nobles gases walk into a bar.
No one reacts.

[ChristineJimenez1J]

What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon

[Gevork 2E]

Chemistry??...more like cheMYSTERY because I don't know what's going on.

(JK... maybe)

[404995677]

What do you call iron blowing in the wind?

Febreeze!

[404995677]

What show do Caesium and Iodine love to watch together?
CsI

[Clement Ng]

me: that midterm was so easy

me: *gets back grade

[Wayland Leung]

:)

[Adrienne Dang 1B]

Why did the acid go to the gym?
To become a buffer solution!

[504754253]

here's a joke: I NEED CHEM NOTES for days i missed due to doctors appointments, but no STEM majors want to give them to me because its such a competitive field...

[504754253]

I slapped my neon that one

[David Zhou 1L]

If you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the precipitate.

[David Zhou 1L]

What do you do when you find a questionable amount of sulfur, tungsten, and silver in your backpack?

Keep calm and SWAg on!!!!!!!11!!!11!!!!!

-- Andrew Nguyen

[Andrew Nguyen 2I]

I've seen the precipitate and solution one like 20 times on facebook - it's not even funny anymore

[ssthirkannad]

What is the chemical formula for coffee?
CoFe2

[ssthirkannad]

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff

[ssthirkannad]

What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers

[ssthirkannad]

How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?
They use a sulfone

[ssthirkannad]

What do you say to a periodic table that is missing gold?
Au revoir

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0 K?

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

NaCl NaOH
RED ALERT! THE BASE IS UNDER A SALT!!

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

I think I lost an electron. In fact, I'm positive.

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

Two chemists walk into a bar, First says "hello, I'll have H2O" Second says "I'll also have some water, and stop ordering like that, you sound like an idiot"

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

Today I told a chemistry joke, no reaction.

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

Technically, alcohol is a solution.

[ssthirkannad]

What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
It's CoRnY

[Merzia Subhan 1L]

If a chemist is sick, and you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[hojae_lee_1C]

Q: What do you call an acid with attitude?
A: a-mean-o-acid

[hojae_lee_1C]

I lost an electron
You should really keep an ion them

[hojae_lee_1C]

Q: How often do you joke about elements?
A: Only periodically

[Andy Nguyen 1A]

Heisenberg is driving when he gets pulled over. When the police officer asks how fast he was driving, Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I am!".

[Cooper1C]

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

[Cooper1C]

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[Cooper1C]

Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

[Abdullah2I]

Are you full of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?


Because y'all are BeAuTi-ful.

[Krupa Prajapati]

Chemistry jokes are sodium funny! I slapped my neon that one.

[Krupa Prajapati]

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na.

[Abdullah2I]

What happens to Nitrogen when the Sun comes up?


It becomes Daytrogen.

(you're welcome)

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

[Mariane Sanchez 1E]

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

[Veronica Rasmusen 2B]

How many moles are in guacamole?
Avocado's number

[Veronica Rasmusen 2B]

A small furry animal walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, our maximum occupancy is 6.02 x 10^23. We can't a serve a mole."

[Veronica Rasmusen 2B]

Why do white bears dissolve in water?
Because they're polar.

[Richard Braun 1I]

Why did the chemist coat his shoes with silicone rubber?
He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint

[Richard Braun 1I]

Someone told me I have chemistry with a cute girl
But I don't take chemistry until next quarter

[Richard Braun 1I]

I heard oxygen and magnesium were going out
And I was like OMg

[Michelle Lee 2E]

All these chemistry jokes are so funny.
Helium, Helium, Helium

[Michelle Lee 2E]

I tell bad chemistry jokes because the good ones Argon.

[Jacquelyn Hill 1]

I tried to come up with another corny chemistry joke, but all of the good ones Argon.

[Annalise Eder 2L]

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

[Jacquelyn Hill 1]

Ar : Don't tell a joke to a noble gas because you'll get no reaction.

Na : Haha, That was sodium funny.

Ne : I slapped my neon that one!

[Jacquelyn Hill 1]

"OMG! I think I lost one of my neutrons"
"It'll be fine, you can get a new one free of charge!"

[Liam Maxwell 2E]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

[Liam Maxwell 2E]

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.

[Liam Maxwell 2E]

Physical chemistry: the pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe

[Ricardo Ruiz Flores 1D]

I found the worst Chemistry joke of all time from Dr. Rachuru Sanjeev, Department of Chemistry, Mizan-Tepi University, Tepi Campus, Tepi, Ethiopia:

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was “I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step.”

[Ricardo Ruiz Flores 1D]

Erwin Schrodinger brings his sick cat to the doctor. After waiting several hours in the waiting room, the doctor finally comes out. So Erwin says, "Well, doc?" And the doctor says, "I have good news and I have bad news."

[Isa Samad 1L]

Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

[Isa Samad 1L]

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.

[Nhan Nguyen 2F]

What do you call a tooth in a liter of water?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A one molar solution

[Diane Bui 2J]

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

[Diane Bui 2J]

Q: Why did the bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar.

[Diane Bui 2J]

Q: What did the chemist snack on during lunch?
A: A 'gram' cracker.

[torialmquist1F]

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

[torialmquist1F]

[torialmquist1F]

[Bansi Amin 1D]

Are you a nucleophile?
Because all you seem to do is bring negativity into my life.

[Hammad Khan 2B]

Chemistry Joke

[Bansi Amin 1D]

Q: What's a cation?
A: An ion with paws-itive charge :)
-3He

[mitalisharma2B]

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.

[mitalisharma2B]

You must be the acid to my litmus paper because every time I meet you I turn bright red.

[torialmquist1F]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

[mitalisharma2B]

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

[Julia Ward 2C]

Once I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction ...

[Katie Blann 1E]

Um ... the universal symbol for confusion

[Seth So]

I initially wanted to write jokes about the periodic table but I never felt I was in my element.